Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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