Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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