Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
