Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
