I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
