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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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