I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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