I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
