What a fucking waste of an outfit
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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