I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
