Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
