There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
