I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
