So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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