I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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