i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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