She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
