i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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