that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
