stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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