I think i peed on brittanys purse
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
