I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
