in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
