no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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