So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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