I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
