Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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