the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
