So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The air taste purple.
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