I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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