I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
