How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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