i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
