Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
