Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
