i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize