to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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