My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
