you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
