I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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