why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
