is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
