Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
