question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
