I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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