So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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