booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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