How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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