i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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