If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
