you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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