There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
