I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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