4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We are two peas in an std pod
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
