dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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