So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
