I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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