I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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