i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
