Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize