drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
