he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
