what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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