After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
do nipples grow back?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
