I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
