I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
