I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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