so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
