It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
