turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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