i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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