Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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